Fun Run and Other Oxymorons: Singular Reflections of an Englishman Abroad

" At this time of the year it is important to rake up leaves. If you leave them lying around, nature will rot them down into something useful. Since gardening is the art of messing nature around, that obviously will not do.
Today saw a man attacking a pile of leaves with a thing that looked like an elephant's head with an engine [...]. It was perhaps the most useless machine I have seen; and as soon as I saw it, I wanted one."

p 3

" Do you fret about apostrophes? When the menu says 'curry with vegetable's' do you froth?
Well, it is time to give up. Stop frothing. We've lost. The illiterates have won and it just doesn't matter. They have swarmed down the hills with horns on their helmets and oaths on their breath, and they have ransacked the citadel, burned the library, ravaged the virgins, broken the necks of the vintage bottles and killed the little apostrophes."
p 204

" The recipe for good sleep is a bed and a clear conscience. Either ingredient can be replaced by gin. Gin has always been gin, and a clean conscience is still available to anyone who doesn't sell real estate, but beds have changed."

p 12

" If Louis Armstrong were to breeze in here right now and sing 'What A Wonderful World' I would set the dogs on him. I've got toothache."
p 105