Ifferisms: an anthology of aphorisms that begin with the word 'if'

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would you know?
(Steven Wright)

If I were a girl, I'd despair; the supply of good women far exceeds that of the men who deserve them. (Robert Graves)

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. (Groucho Marx)

If you water it and it dies, it's a plant.
If you pull it out and it grows back, it's a weed.
(Gallagher)

If you are in difficulties with a book, try the element of surprise:
Attack it at an hour when it isn't expecting it. (H. G. Wells)

If the ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step we take just gets us to the wrong place faster. (Stephen Covey)

If you want creative workers, give them enough time to play. (John Cleese)

If you can give your son or daughter only one gift, let it be enthusiasm. (Bruce Barton)

If you have love in your life, it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don't have it, no matter what else there is, it's not enough. (Ann Landers)

If I create from the heart, nearly everything works; if from the head, almost nothing. (Marc Chagall)