Chris Colfer

"Are you sure you're supposed to be drinking with all those prescriptions Dr. Dealer is giving you?" I asked her.
"It's Dr. Wheeler, and why don't you just leave that to the professionals?" she said, and took the Advil. "Those warning stickers are for amateurs."

Acne: God's way of reminding you that, besides all your other flaws, you aren't perfect. Thanks for the heads-up, God, almost forgot.

Until I was ten and saw a friend's parents interact, I never realized that people got married because they wanted to, because they loved each other. I had always thought it was more like jury duty: You got an envelope in the mail telling you when, where, and who you were required to reproduce with.

The same year we had Founding Fathers' Day, and I remember it like it was yesterday. I walked to the front of the classroom, clutching the report I had spent hours on, and told the class everything I had learned.
"Most of the founding fathers were closeted homosexuals and slave owners", I said. Needless to say, I wasn't allowed to finish the report.

I remember my first-grade teacher was giving a lesson on subtraction.

- When one thing takes another away, what do we call that? she asked my class.
- Homicide! I called out, so proud of myself.

I wasn't technically wrong, but the look she gave me for the following three minutes made it appear that way.

A year from now I'll be sitting in my dorm room at Northwestern University taking notes from some overpriced textbook about "the history of...", you know, something historical. I'll be living off Top Ramen and gallons of Red Bull. I'll barely be getting five hours of sleep a night, and that's only when I don't have to yell at my roommate to turn down his porn.
I know it doesn't sound like much to look forward to, but for this college-bound kid, it's paradise! All the suffering, now and later, is for a much bigger picture.