The room phone was one of those big, black monstrosities you see in old movies. I think we should bring them back. It’s so satisfying to hang up on telephone canvassers. You can really slam that thing into the cradle.
I powered open the sunroof, enjoying the traffic jam that was building rapidly behind me. When the sunroof was fully open, I switched off the motor, tossed the keys under the passenger seat and levered myself up through the opening.
And it would have been a masterful exit if the back of my pants hadn’t hooked on the roof latch.
I was pushing hard to exit the sunroof when down came my pants, underwear and all.
The paparazzi had a field day.
As I struggled to regain a sense of decency, the heat from a million flashbulbs practically seared the skin off my naked and fully exposed rear end.
The I fretted about not being able to bring my gun with me. But a 9mm SIG Sauer isn’t the kind of walk-on luggage Air Canada encourages. Besides, the Brits are funny about people walking around their island with a gun strapped to their thigh.
And then all hell broke loose. Which was something I didn’t know about English pubs. Well, workingmen’s pubs, anyway. They are just a single punch away from total anarchy.
A dense blanket of low grey cloud obscures the sky and forms an impressive sky-blue chinook arch directly above the mountains. (…) Chinooks play havoc with the barometric pressure, bestowing upon Calgary the dubious title of Migraine Capital of the World.