Xī Zǐxù

“I used to think this is enough, but now…” A hint of sorrow surfaced between his brows. “I want to grow old with you. Is that too selfish?”
“No,” Ruan Nanzhu said. “Everybody wants that. It’s normal.”
He got close to Lin Qiushi’s ear and gave the tip of it a kiss, before speaking in a gravelly voice, “it’s the same for me.”
Lin Qiushi’s answering smile was brilliant. He said, “that’s great then.
Are you scared?”
Ruan Nanzhu, “I used to be. But I’m not scared anymore.”
They had each other now.
Lin Qiushi’s heart too had settled. He said, “I’m not scared either.”

Lin Qiushi was just about to back up, when Ruan Nanzhu caught him by the waist and said, “don’t be scared.”
And it was like Lin Qiushi really wasn’t scared anymore. To be honest, whenever Ruan Nanzhu was beside him, Lin Qiushi felt a sense of security and safety, like everything they did was within control, and nothing would go wrong.
Of course, Lin Qiushi knew this feeling was wrong. He couldn’t be overly dependent on Ruan Nanzhu. They would have to separate someday.
At this, Lin Qiushi felt, for some reason, a sense of loss.

Ruan Nanzhu: “You would rather everything be done openly instead?”
Lin Qiushi was baffled to say the least, “Why wouldn’t you do it openly? Was there anything shameful or shady about this, that you had to do secretly?”
Ruan Nanzhu looked down at Lin Qiushi, a strange expression flitting across his face. “Have you truly never thought of the possibility that I would want to harm you?”
Lin Qiushi innocently shook his head, “I’ve never thought of it.”

“But I’m not scared, he’s growing quick—we can live and die together.”
Bai Ming scoffed.
“You’d let that happen?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
Had it been before, this really would’ve been Ruan Nanzhu’s Achilles’
heel. But after experiencing so much, Ruan Nanzhu had finally come to a point where he understood that maybe being left behind wasn’t such a happy thing after all. Was it good simply to survive? Not necessarily.

Ah, cats are truly the greatest happiness in life! Everyone becomes happy when they nuzzle cats. Hating cats is simply impossible! It’s impossible to never hug
a cat; it’s impossible to never kiss a cat in one’s lifetime. You’re better off dead in that case! Cuddling cats is the only way to stay healthy and alive! They’re the only reason for one’s will to live! Cats give life! Cats are life!

Lin Qiushi was still plagued by restlessness for a while, but once he recalled that serene sensation that spread through his body every time he slept next to Ruan Nanzhu, his consciousness began to grow hazy and his eyelids fluttered slightly. Ruan Nanzhu truly was the only drug that could cure him of his insomnia, Lin Qiushi vaguely thought as he drifted off to shallow sleep.

“What’s the matter, Nanzhu? Is something wrong?” Lin Qiushi casually dried his hair with a towel, as he strode over to the other’s side.
“I need you.” Ruan Nanzhu solemnly uttered.
Lin Qiushi was stunned on the spot when he heard the other’s unexpected words. “What…what do you mean?”
“It’s just as I said.” Ruan Nanzhu stressed, “You can’t die.”

Lin Qiushi lied on the sofa, brain completely eaten up by alcohol. Even so, he felt a kind of joy that was difficult to describe. There were people who cared for his life and death, there were people who wanted him to survive. The feeling of being cared for like this was so inescapably moving that he couldn’t help but tear up.

When Ruan Nanzhu heard this he cast a considering glance toward Lin Qiushi.
Lin Qiushi jumped. “What are you looking at me for? I can’t get pregnant?!”
Ruan Nanzhu, “no, the problem’s not yours. I must be the one who’s not working hard enough.”

But a long, long time later, when he remembered this moment, he would realize that the Cheng Yixie back then had been standing at the crossroads of fate.
On one side of fate was hell. And on the other, was also hell.