Anne D. Bernstein

"Babysitters Guide to New Endings for Classic Bedtime Stories"- THE UGLY DUCKLING:"...the ugly duckling looked down into the water, and there he beheld a beautiful swan. 'Wow'!, he thought, 'if I can change my life, anyone can'. He developed a series of self-improvement tapes and grooming products that he marketed to unattractive animals with poor social skills. He successfully exploited their insecurities, accumulating a large nest egg for himself and eventually retired to his own private pond with his striking swan trophy wife"

"Left the town of Highland this morning with no regrets, looking forward to the move to Lawndale with excitement and anticipation. Then I remembered my family was coming, too."

"When you're at the art museum, and you don't understand a piece, say 'How postmodern' and move on."