Les 5 regrets des personnes en fin de vie

‘Every day is a gift now. Every day was always a gift, but it’s only now I have slowed down enough to truly see the huge amount of beauty each day offers.

‘It really is our own choice, isn’t it? We can stop ourselves from being happy because we think we don’t deserve it, or because we allow the opinions of others to become a part of who we are. But it is not who we are, is it? We can be whoever we allow ourselves to be. My God, why didn’t I work this out sooner? What a waste!’

‘Why are you happy?’ Rosemary asked one morning [...] I smiled at the question, thinking how far I had come myself to be even asked such a question. Considering what I had been going through [...] ‘Because happiness is a choice, Rosemary, and one I try to make every day. Some days I can’t. Like you, I’ve had a hard life; in different ways, but still hard. But rather than dwelling on what’s wrong and how hard I’ve done it, I try to find the blessings in each day and appreciate the moment I am in, as much as I can,’ I told her honestly. ‘We have the freedom to choose what we focus on. I try to choose the positive stuff, like getting to know you, like doing work I love, not being under pressure to reach sales targets, and appreciating my health and every day of being alive.’

Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable either. I wasted precious time not letting them all know what a mess I was.

I had begun to think of some of my own ‘friends’ more as warm acquaintances lately. It didn’t mean I thought less of them; they were still a blessing in my life. But having been to some pretty dark places in myself, I now understood what a real friend was. It is easy to have a lot of acquaintances and I did love those people for the enjoyable role we played in each other’s lives. When it comes to the crunch though, not many people can hang around through the very worst of the pain with someone else. Those who do are truly friends.

In the end, only happy memories remained. Letting go of the friendship was relatively painless—I could see no point in having a relationship that did not allow for honesty or balance. None of us are perfect, myself included. I contributed to the breakdown of that friendship too, whether consciously or not. But to be in any sort of relationship where you do not express yourself, simply to keep the peace, is a relationship ruled by one person and will never be balanced or healthy.

Just because someone doesn’t respond the way you wish, that doesn’t mean you should regret the attempt to express yourself. The reaction of others is their choice, just as our own reactions are no-one else’s responsibility.

We should never feel guilty for expressing our feelings and we should never make someone else feel guilty, if they have found the courage to do so.

‘Yes. So much is held back by pride, apathy, fear of reprisal or humiliation. But it also takes a lot of courage sometimes Jude, and we are not always strong enough to do this.’ ‘Yes, it takes courage, Bronnie,’ Jude continued. ‘That’s the point I am trying to make. It takes courage to express your feelings, particularly if you are not doing okay and need assistance, or if you’ve never expressed honest feelings to someone you love and don’t know how it will be received. But the more you practise sharing your feelings, whatever they are, the better things become. Pride is such a waste of time. Honestly, look at me now. I can’t even wipe my own bum. What does it matter? We are all human. We are allowed to be vulnerable too. It is a part of the process.’

It is easy for us all to assume we will live forever, but life doesn’t work that way. Through the storms of life, some young ones will always go. Like flowers blossoming, not yet ripened into fruit, they will be taken away before they can realise their full potential. Others will make it through to full maturity and go out at their best. Still others will live past their prime and slowly degenerate over the years. While it is often referred to as dying before their time, it isn’t really. We all go when it is our own time. Millions of people are not destined to live a long life. It is the assumption we will all live forever, or at least until a very advanced age, that brings so much shock and despair when someone young dies.