God save la France / A Year in the Merde

You could tell what nationality people were by the moment they chose to turn and look right. Though Bulgarians were presumably going to spend the whole cruise staring straight ahead.

Soon I was going to turn into one of those people who sit in Parisian Cafés and type their rantings into a laptop computer, hoping all the while that someone will come up and ask "what are you writing?", when in fact everyone steers clear because they're scared you'll want to explain what you're writing.

in French, the word "self" means self-service restaurant. Ironic, really - the ego as cheap cafetaria, when France sees itself as one huge gourmet restaurant.

Personnellement, je doute que la présence de la police aurait changé quoi que ce soit. Car les policiers parisiens ont une spécialité dans laquelle ils excellent : rester assis dans leur cars.
(Malheureusement pas d'actualité)

Une grande brune, port de reine, lèvres sombres, sourire qui lasérise le pantalon d’un homme à vingt pas.

Comment diable les françaises peuvent-elles vous rembarrer tout en restant aguicheuses ? Bon Dieu, toujours sexy même quand elles vous envoient paître

The year does not begin in January. Every French person knows that. Only awkward English-speakers think it starts in January.

Wow, I thought, if there's ever a serious epidemic of facial herpes, they'll have to get condoms for their heads