|Harmonide 14 avril 2018|
When I have new clients, I go to the board and draw a compass with the needle pointing straight up to a big N. “You want your partner to be this compass,” I say to them, “and you want to be North. No matter where the compass goes, it always points in the same direction. And no matter where she goes, and what she's doing, or what's on her mind, you expect her to always be focused on you.” My clients sometimes protest me, “But that's what being in a relationship is about. We're SUPPOSED to focus on each other.” But I notice that when he focuses on her, most of what he thinks about is what she can do for him, not the other way around. And when he doesn't feel like focusing on her at all, he doesn't bother.
An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless pit. But he's not so much needy as ENTITLED, so no matter how much you give him, it will never be enough. He will just keep coming up with more demands because he believes his needs are your responsibility, until you feel drained to nothing.