Je recommande aux personnes qui veulent se sentir mieux dans leur couple, ou même comprendre les raisons d'un échec sentimental. Ce bouquin m'a vraiment aidé à aller de l'avant !
Commenter  J’apprécie         50
Their hearts expressed an appreciation of our lovableness and thus enabled us to feel it in our own hearts. We found, and have always found, our inner source of nurturance through our external source of nurturance. But when we make a literal identification between a parent or partner and one of our own inner powers, we are confusing an archetypal universal image with a personal image, the channel with the source. This is how the parent or partner assumes such gigantic stature in our psyche. [...] He becomes, rather than points to, our higher Self. Letting go of attachment to people and things at the ego or literal level is a way to open ourselves to the buddha mind behind all appearances.
You may not feel loved by someone who truly loves you because she shows it in ways you do not understand as love. This is like hearing a foreign language and presuming it is gibberish. Ask for a translation: The challenge of intimacy for adults is to expand our original concept of love to accommodate a partner’s unique way of loving. We can still ask for what we want while trying to accept an approximation of it and opening ourselves to new versions of love.
[...] the solitude [the psyche] needs for its full development. Beings as complex as ourselves need retreats from others to explore the depths of our character and our destiny. We need regular periods of solitude to replenish ourselves, to locate new sources of creativity and self-knowledge, and to discover possibilities in our souls that are invisible when we are with others.
In reality, though, I am only losing the chance to continue using him as the mannequin who can wear the garments of my unfulfilled wishes—this is the essence of my lifelong loneliness. You and this grief allowed me to open, but you cannot meet the need you helped me to identify. You can open me but do not fill me. This is not your fault. It is about me.
Since the purpose of a relationship is human happiness not conservation of an institution—such as marriage—commitment is reasonable and vows are dangerous. A commitment is to workability. A vow is to time (“‘til death us do part”).